I remember when me and my ex once got into a fight through text messages. Because it was an distance relationship so text messages was one of the only way of communicating. This was 2012, and I did not have a smartphone back then so texting and the facebook skype was our way to go.
I got horrible anxiety from the fight, felt a big black clod in my chest, I didn't want to breathe and it really felt like the world was falling on me. I was so scared he would breake up with me.
And he did. The next day he called and said it couldn't go on. That fight was one of the only fights we had, but he said him breaking up was not related at all to the fight.
I cried. A lot. It felt so bad, having your heart broken over a phone call. But what could he do. And what could I do? Kill myself. No. Live on. Yes.
It took some time, but I got over him.
~~~~~~
Today I managed to hurt my boyfriend over a whatsapp-message. It was a unintended joke that hurt him, and I couldn't answer because my phone died.
But somehow, while I couldn't reply I knew in my heart that everything will be okay. He won't break up with me over this text message. He won't be mad at me for long.
I apologized like a grown up should apologize when my phone revived and we moved on from that.
It wasn't a big deal at all.
Would 17-year old me think that everything would be okay? Of course not. She would cry and panic. He must break up with me because he got hurt. Or we got into an argument. I must have an affirmation that he loves me. Why would someone love me if I just hurt them???
But it is a part of life! Having arguments and unintentionally hurt someone, that happens, to boyfriends, to anyone!
I can't blame myself anymore.
It wasn't a big deal at all.
And luckily I have grown so much to realise that!
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