When I'm not angry

Somehow I have labeled this blog as something where I write everytime I am angry. Or when I'm feeling depressed. If we back a few years to the days when I wrote mostly in Swedish I also wrote about happy things, like funny things.

And then, about 1,5 years ago that changed, when my mental health kind of went crazy. Thinking back to those times scare me a bit, because I was suicidal at that point. Which makes no sense, because I was happy most of the time, but then, creeping from some very dark corner appeard the angry thoughts. And when I become angry, I become SO angry. It takes willpower to not destroy things, it DEMANDS willpower to not hit someone something. But nowadays I've manage  to control those angry thoughts.

And honestly, I AM angry at myself for becoming such. I used to be angry and sad when I was young, and then as I grew older it changed into anxiety and panic attacks. Now, I think it's over six months since I had the last panic attack, and two years since I cut myself on purpose with something sharp (which the last time was glass).

Now I don't get panic attacks anymore, but the anger comes back??? Please, do not make me an angry person again.

Oh, fuck I don't know what I wanted to say.

What I wanted to say was that, for example now, when I am not angry or depressed, and I want to write, what do I write about? I feel that this blog cannot be used in that sense anymore, it is already poisoned by angry thoughts.