Looking behind

I just went through some old posts on here and I almost cried. I was THIS close to crying. One of the most self hatred-centred post is hidden from you, but I reread it and, oh man... Chopping onions like a madman.

So much pain. So much distrust in myself and my friends.

"And now (age 22) I feel on-off hated and when I finally admit that I feel like shit people sigh and say they are fucking dissapointed in me. Suck it up. Don't kill yourself. We don't understand you."

"I found old conversations from when I was in a state I wish no one would know of. I saw what I had written to others, and what others had written to me. I had written to one of my closest friends that I wanted to commit suicide (age 14). She asked me why. I had answered: "Because everyone hates me". She answered: "I don't, please don't kill youself" and then she sent some hearts."

And it's so much better now. I'm so much better now. I do not categorize myself as depressed anymore.


So much love for the art of acting.

"Acting usually helps. It always has helped, because in the state "of being someone else" I get to have a dialoge with myself (it sounds really weird I know) and it kind of confirms my feelings and I feel more secure."


"I feel broken. Acting has been for 15 years part of my life. This is the first time in 9 years I have a paus from acting.

I am broken."


I have decided to pick up acting again in the autumn, after one year of working behind the scenes. To fix what is broken inside of me.

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But overall. Most of the pain is behind me. I sincerely hope so.