Why did it come to this?

You have probably seen some lame jokes on IG that are similar to this:


Me when giving mental health advice to my friends: cue something extremely inspirational etc and a picture describing love and care

Me when handling my own mental health: cue someone getting kicked


I am so tired. Sad. Stressed. I would like to lock myself in and just listen to music. But I don't. I get up, do my work, try to be a good wife though I'm failing at it because I'm so wrecked, smile and laugh, sit in the tram, hate myself, rinse, repeat.

Why did it come to this?

Why have I fallen down into a pit of darkness again, after such a good autumn? I loved my life in the autumn, everything was so awesome.

Why do I sometimes vomit even if I'm not sick?

Why do my blood vessels leak even if I don't have a bruise?

Why do I feel so down all the time?

I don't want to feel so sad all the time.