Pouring a life into the internet

The last few weeks I noticed that being on tumblr (a website similar to any social media, but for a very weird reason social outcasts seem to gather there. It's used as a platform for ranting, fashion, artwork, FANDOMS, and nice feeds) has become boring.

There was always the same like four people out of the group of 40 I follow that posted anything like ever. So I went and checked upon the list of people I follow

and I felt a big black clod in my chest. Kinda the anxiety you get when you realize things are not the way they used to be, or the way you remember it.

Out of a group of 40 waay over half of them hadn't uploaded any content in over a YEAR. Why hadn't I realized that? That they were gone from the website?

And the worst part was that I don't even remember the feeling of seeing their content on my dashboard anymore. I don't remember who they are or were.

And here I am, feeling stuck in some kind of forever wishing 2013 would repeat itself because then, back then being on tumblr was similar to being alive, everyone was active and shared stuff and we all hyped the same fandoms and aaarghh it was so FUN!

That's five years ago. FIVE. I turned eighteen five years ago. I was in love with a guy who saw nothing but a friend in me, and I had no true friends in my own school, and that was maybe the reason why tumblr was so fun. Because I felt uncomfortable in my own skin (or with my own person I guess) and having this platform, this escape from the real world was something I so badly needed.

Now I could say the situation is different, I have true friends, a fiancé (!!!) a future, and I spend most of my time outside of the escape. Maybe that is why it's more boring to log in on tumblr?

Would I truly want 2013 to repeat itself? No. It was such a draining year and yes, I BELIEVED 2013 was a good year. Because everything had been shit, and thinking back, 2013 was shit as well.

I don't wish to anyone that they'd feel so lost and hated in real life that they'd rather pour their life into the internet, because you will always find people like you on the internet.