Transgressive

There is this social scientific term called "transgression" or "being transgressive". I have not heard of this term outside of school, and there only once.

Being transgressive means that a girl uses boyish and manly coded features and way when behavning. This is not about being trans or even about gender identity, but a girl that chooses to be more manly to get attention or to get a particular social input-output.

I think I am transgressive in some way.

I have used manly coded behaviour since I was a little child. I always wanted to play boys when we played in kindergarten and daycare and I played a lot with boys toys. That I had a 1,5 year older brother might have a reason in this ofc. I was in my most boyish period when I was twelve, and I dressed up in boys clothes sometimes.

When I turned thirteen I changed the baggy jeans to miniskirts and leggings but the behaviour stayed. I was very aggressive and fysically assaulted another student during that year. Typical boyish behaviour when not feeling good inside.

Yesterday someone said "This role is perfect for X (me), she's so aggressive".

And the truth is, I love hearing someone else call me aggressive, or angry. And it's so weird, so wrong. Wrong being an aggressive girl. Wrong being proud of being the way you are. Wrong wrong wrong.

I am wrong.