I'm getting married really soon. In like four days.
Wow, it's so awesome, and great and everything I want, but also scary. At times I've hated planning for the wedding, at moments I've loved it. There are so many expectations and "right" ways to do it, that at some point I started feeling sick.
Planning for the wedding made me angry and I just wanted the party over with. My standard lowered and lowered because I got anxiety from planning. I'm more into the improvisation thing with my life so when I suddenly had a huge ordeal that demanded planning and simply could not be improvised I got frustrated. My husband to be is a person who dislikes improvisation and I dislike planning, so we had to work over the planning issue.
And while I know I will love the party and all the love and attention and whatnot and I'll feel like the stars are aligning and I'll love love love it - I know I won't miss the planning. Fuck the wedding bubble, it's fake! Yes, some people might love the bubble and love thinking 24/7 about their wedding, but I'm not part of that bubble and I never was.
One of my best friends is getting married in 2021, and she's already looking at wedding bouquets and colour themes and photographers and it makes me sick, because I'm just on my way out of that bubble and I don't get how she can in such advance time hype over her wedding.
Okay, I sound really really ungrateful and like an ugly friend and all, but.... I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm anxious.
But somehow I know that day'll be one of the best ones in my life
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