is there a limit on how much one can hate oneself?
i want to vomit

ashamed

I always get so ashamed when I say something that is percieved as something cruel. That my parents think I actually am a heartless monster because I say stupid stuff and that I actually think a certain way about people.

I.do.not.always.mean.what.I.say

I use dark humour. It makes myself feel clever, but people who don't understand my dark sense of humour always get sad and angry and I hate that I can't communicate with people without making me seem like a total asshole.

I am not an asshole.
Maybe a tiny asshole, but I always mean good,

I know that there are children who think I am scary because I'm a difficult person to grasp. Sometimes I get flattered when I hear: You are scary. It's fun to know I am not a gray person no one will remember, everyone will remember that girl.

But I want my legacy to be something worth smiling for.

One day, I will save my own life, have such a control over it I can be proud and not so damn ashamed of what I say about people and to other people.

Me out.