I'm getting into another... phase, as you could've called it. My depression is better now, I'm surrounded by good people who makes me feel full of worth. My axiety on the other hand is another matter, and is one thing I'm still battling against. I'm still thinking of cutting a lot just for the kicks of it, but I refrain from the actual act.
You know the thing when a person always interpret everything as something sexual or porn, that phase that usually accurs around the age of 14? The word in my slang would be "härö", "härski" or "kaksimielinen" or whatevs.
I'm feeling like I am like that, but all the sexy stuff is replace with selfharm stuff.
We were telling a story at my drama work, everyone said one sentence at a time. And story revolved around a girl, who was hiding something in her pocket. I knew from the start of the story that it's a razor blade she's hiding, and the story went accordingly, but in the end when I had a perfect chance I dropped the bomb and said something along the lines of:
When she was home she picked up the razor blade which she was hiding in her pocket
... everyone flipped their shit. Everyone else had imagined a ton of different things the girl had in her pocket, even though I a few rounds earlier had said that she "cut" (stack sig in swe) herself on the thing in the pocket.
Even my boss said she'd imagined that it could've been a hedgehog. A HEDGEHOG? And I was so taken aback - did literally no one realize that I was, the whole time, talking about self harming??
Am I really the only one who's default thinking is connected to the art of hurting oneself?
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