Remorse

I remember back when I was... 13/14, I was a part of a theatre association which I loved dearly and had many friends in. You could say I was one of the "cool" kids, though it feels ridiculous to say it out loud. Or, well, we where like seven teens there (and some children and some adults) and there was one girl I couldn't stand.

She was weird. I was constantly irritated at her, and... oh god it's so embarrasing I want to vomit, I "bullied" her. Or in the end, I don't know how she felt, but she can't have felt good. Seeing her being "weak" in my eyes gave me permission to make fun of her. I thought. I had power over her and I was the strong one, the loud one and I thought she sucked at acting.

Thinking back I think she was just avarege. And I am so embarrased by this. Giving her evil gazes, ridicule her... I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have.

I sometimes check her instagram and she seems to have a wonderful life. She has many many friends, and to be honest, I am suprised at what perfect life she seems to have. Because back when we were teens, she seemed to only have one friend. She's grown up to be a beautiful woman and that somehow makes me feel even worse for what I did to her.

I feel bad when checking her IG. Because I know I purpously wanted her to know that she had no friends, or that she won't ever have friends because she's too weird.

I will never ever ask for forgiveness. I don't want to bring it up. We're not friends on any social media, so why would I remind her of this asshole, who thought she was the better actress and therefore was entitled to make others feel bad about themselves?

This is my punishment. To forever have a sting of bad conscience when I check her IG.