Self reflection 2

Now, before midsummer and my little time out at my summer cottage, I will write this.

Self reflection 2
Age 11-12

This is the age when we became so old that we started to choose ourselves. You start to rely on friends instead of your parents and you feel that soon you'll grow up. I got into puberty. Even if I was a child, and behaved like a child, somewhere subconscious I wanted to grow up. Become a teenager.

My best friend left me. She became probably fed up at the way I treated her and found another one. I was devastated. It truly felt like a heartbreak. I found a new friend who never truly accepted me. I realized pretty quickly that I am the surplus friend, but yet again, I was but a child and didn't know a way out.

This was around the time when my style slowly changed. From dressing in whatever t-shirts and whatnot my mum bought me, I started bying my own clothes. I remember when I bought a top for myself. It was black with skulls on it, and it was open in the back. Maybe not ment for young girls. I remember being really mesmerized by it. And that's where it started. My sense of fashion. From that moment with that one black top with skulls on in.

This is also the time, age 11-12 (more likely twelve) when I started to listen to more heavy music. It really peaked at the age of 13, but more of that later. I got an iPod for my twelfth birthday, and I bought a lot of Nightwish songs to it. A lot of other songs too.

My older brother started secondary school and he told me there's a lolita in eight grade. I wished I could look like her, even though I didn't know what she looked like. I wanted to be a lolita, a gothic lolita. I dreamt of being part of a sub culture fashion at that time of my life. ¨


Why do I tell all of this? This isn't as juicy and drama? Well, to understand what's coming next you have to know the basics. This is when I started to grow up, when I for the first time felt a heartbreak from a friend leaving me. When I realized how much people disliked me. But also when I found myself.

Oh, man, it's only getting more interesting and more intriguing. Wait for secondary school.

Next time: Age 13.