More memories

It was fun to scroll through my archive at tumblr, and read posts from a long time ago. I'm going to share some of them for you here.

26.8.2011

"I did not find anything to reblog, so I will tell spit out some emotions.

People come across me as a happy person. I am. I really love living and I am trying to make the best out of the worst. Always. 

But this may also be one of the downsides of me, I never want to talk about my feelings. Never. This is making me collect less nice feelings inside me. And most of them are about different people I’ve loved. Ex'es and ex bestfriends. People who hurted me in the past. And I am easy to hurt, but I never show hurtness. I am a stoneface, the always happy girl.

Though the years past since my heart been shattered, the heart is healed. Nothing is missing from my life, but my memories are taking too much space in my brain. Memories from one boy and another girl.

No. I don’t need you in my life. Both of yours memories are stealing my time. I am strong without you. "

My tumblr was/is usually my happy place, so for me to write this kind of text was unusual. I must've been really down when writing this. Too sad though that the girl writing that text is about to get way more hurt by the ones she, when she wrote this, considered her friends.

10.9.2013

"Do you ever just get the feeling of being in love, but you’re not sure if you’re actually IN LOVE with that person, but you care enormosly about that person and just want to cuddle him to death and have sex.

Maybe it’s just me.

I know this particular guy is not interested in me in that kind of way and I accept it. As I stated before, I’m not even sure if I love this person or even like him in that kind of way.

Just that I care about this person more than I ever imagined I would. I want him as a friend with benefits. Or I don’t even know. How the hell am I suppose to know the differens of being friend and being interested. I should know this, I’m a fucking adult already. Oh crap!"

This post was dedicated to the one person who saved me from lonelyness my last year in upper secondary school. At this moment I was already suffering in school, and he was there for me. I fell for him, hard. He told me he wasn't interested in a relationship, or in me. It was hard to digest. 

And finally, a part of a questionaire (get to know the blogger-concept) that summoned my 2012, written 5.1.2013:

"Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. - Always try your best, but the higher you fly, the harder you fall."

I was still heartbroken when I wrote this. I had a boyfriend in 2012 that broke up with me in November, or December 2012 (can't remember which). I planned a future together with him. I flew too high, and fell too hard in the ground when the relationship was ruined.

Writing a blog on the internet is actually quite valuable. You get small glimpses of memories of your old life.

I will do another one like this, but with posts from this blog. You haven't probably followed this blog since it's beginning, so I'll do a rundown with some of the posts here and explain them to you.

So tune in in a couple of days to see the an old post re-visited :)