Spring and creativity and a throwback

If you payed attention to my Self Reflections last summer (omg it's almost a year ago I wrote them! wow) you might remember that I, especially as I got older, wrote somewhat about characters and theatre and stuff (well, I write a lot about it anyways)

Ah man, I'm sounding like a broken record

For eight years I had a final drama show sometime during May, and that means that ever since February/March I've had a character and a fate to learn, to feel, to become. Yes, I was one of those annoying guys who sometimes took my own roles too far. I couldn't help it, it was too fun, too exiting, too important for me to become someone else, that I made that someone else me. If it makes sense.

That means, that for eight years, I've had every spring two identities, an imaginary one, and myself. Because I wanted to make my imaginary me, my role, my character, real, I listened to music connected to the fate of the role, I imagined scenes that were not in the real script, I did quite a lot to make myself real.

It also affected the anxiety I tried to unpack to you last post, because after the show, the creativity, the role, died. It was a sad goodbye to the imaginary me, that had been part of me for like two-three months. I did it for eight years. Every spring I had a new baby to develope, to create, to become.

It's like a drug I can't explain. You really feel this other identity inside yourself. It sounds like I'm crazy, and maybe I am.

I remember one kid (one hell of an annoying kid) who joked about becoming her character. I can't remember what role she had, but she was like 10, so it couldn't been something bad, and my boss/co-worker said, in all seriousness: "It's important not to become your role. One should not become the role".

Well, to ME it was important to become what I was portraying. I didn't say anything to her, but I firmly believe she knew. She knew me.

This is the first spring in eight springs I haven't a role to portay, to become. I feel empty. In all reality, I have a role to play, my role as a teacher. It's almost like theatre, and I really like it. I become a more intensive version of myself when I'm teaching, a shadow of my manic acting state, but it's close to acting itself.

Next year I'm probably going to join a theatre.

And to finish this hell of a post I'm going to share something I wrote onto my tumblr January 31st 2012 (seven years ago!):

» I HAVE A ONE-SHOT CHARACTER IN MY HEAD.

Or have I?
I’ve read too much psychology, that’s a fact.
The character was a one-shot I played at theatre on Monday, but somehow the character’s manners are still stuck in my head. Like I have to do something with it. Oh, the creativity is overloading (one problem with being an artist).
Should I even name it? Eli. Comes from a Greek word which means “torch”, or “sun”.
Even though it does not fit the character. Eli is his name (I just decided it is a boy, although the name itself is sexneutral)

So I did all this character-stuff already when I was 16.


See you when I see you