Self reflection 4 part 2

Sooo, summer between eight and ninth grade.

My boyfriend from the theatre broke up with me, leaving me with a scarred soul once again. But I had better coping methods this time and did not plan to brutally murder him, though it hurt like cold ice in the chest.

And I got accepted by Jesus this summer (2010). Haha. Lol. Not. I was so deep in my anti-christ period that I resented everything the church had to offer. I hated religion and god. I was, by no means, a satanist or anything, but I hated the Christianity during this summer. I still got confirmated (and wore a black dress to the service), though I cringed hard at the thought of everyone being loved. Because I was unlovable.

Ninth grade started. I coloured my hair black and bought a liquid eyeliner (more beautiful than pencil eyeline around the eye lol).

And one of the things that have saved me from eternal demise and suicide was my mothertounge teacher. I used to talk to her many times a week, talking about people I hate and stuff. She just listened to me, and accepted me as who I was. She was kinda like a "therapist" to me, and I swear, it was soo important for me to talk to her. I loved mother tounge so much.

Even if I had friends I couldn't help but notice towards the spring that I'm not anymore that "popular" in my group of friends. This is at the same time I connected deeper with my own class, and I fell in love once again with a cute and nerdy guy from my music class. That's probably why I ignored all the signals.

I performed in front of the school once more, this time with my class and because of everyone else being cowards I had to dance a heavily sexualised dance almost all by myself in front of the whole school. Not that it bothered me, I like being on a stage. But if my mother saw what moves I did, she'd have "The Talk" with me.

We were to choose our next school this spring. Gymnasium (upper secondary school) or yrkesskola (vocational school) and for me it was a clear gymnasium. But which one? I chose a school in the capital and it turned out that none of my friends chose the same. My best friend E went to a school in the same city, my friend A went to another town, a few stayed in our town and another one went to a school 200km from us.

I didn't actually feel that sad that we were all splintered. It felt more exiting, like, I'll now go on my own adventures, find new friends and paths.

But did it go as planned? Tune in on this blog in a few days (idk when I'll write it but soon) to find out if my heart gets shattered again in Self reflection 5 part 1? ":D"

That was the worst commercial speech ever. Lol.

(S.R 5 will have two parts and will be a view over 1 and 2 grade in upper secondary school, while the abi year (final year) will be S.R 6 split in two part (or one master post idk))