The final self reflection, S.R 6 part 2

A great desperation and confusion hit me after the Abi Cruise. I was basically on my own now. No school to attend to, no friends to hang out with. After gymnasiet, I was going to start university and find a new group of friends and and and

I managed pretty well in my finals and even if I spoke politely with my friends at school, the relationship remained very cold. What was I going to do? All of my friendships have just collapsed, ever since I was a child, with very few expecations.

What hurt my soul was the fact that I was going to end my theatre journey at the place I had been at for four years. The place where I had saved myself. The place where my anger and pain had a purpose, the purpose of giving life to characters that could do the things I never had done. Where she was born, my alter ego. I was pretty desperate during that spring, I didn't want it to end, no, no, just one more year and that made me a jerk towards the others, BUT this one girl approached me anyways and asked me out.

After the very last performance (different character, not my lil babe) I hung out for 1,5 HOURS together with this girl and the teacher at the place. Just talking. Just... talking to someone who was willing to listen to me. Both of them.

After graduating school my true confusion started. I was in love with a lot of people at the same time, one of them being a person of the same sex as I am (no, I don't label myself as bi, but yeah). I had some one night stands and I made out with people everytime I was drunk. I partied quite a lot during these six months. I hung out with some bad people at times, but managed to save myself from their grip.

I was lost in myself.

When university started, I was sure not to fake myself. Despite this, I got friends <3 with whom I still hang out with :D Finally. And I got the job as an assistant at the theatre I loved, so my mental health was stabilized, for the time being.

This is the last self reflection.  I started blogging during 2014, so if you scroll back far enough you can read about those times. During those times, I wrote quite cryptically, about myself and stuff, but I let you readers fill in the puzzle yourselves. Hint: I developed depression and that you can see pretty well.

Until next time.