Self reflection 4 part 1

Lol.


Eight grade started and I was horrified. No friends in my new fucking class. And I did what I had to do, befriend the new girls from the class. I would otherwise wreck myself.

And guess what? Three girls became my friends. I got, not only one, but THREE new friends! Hallelujah. Now I had friends from my class, and my old ones from the other classes.

And what made my life a lot more happier was the fact that I bought a pony. I did now work out every day, had a clear purpose in life and cut down on the hours spent on my computer.

I was part of a writing club; we were only four participants and we had really fun, and from there I found even more friends! I was in a theatre group during the eight grade spring and fell in love with another one from the group and we became a couple.

But I had still not gotten rid of my violent tendencies. And I tried harder than ever to become less violent after a "fight" with my friend A, who was my bestie in seventh grade. She teased me a bit, and I got a rage attack. I remember how I tried to hit her in the face, but she was faster than I and grabbed my hand, shouting in my face: "Now, stop! Stop hitting people or I won't be your friend anymore!"

That was the first time anyone ever had commented my violence. Everyone else had only given angry stares (neither my parents nor teachers knew about what I've done) and A was the first one to say back. So I fought hard to stop hitting ppl (which is pretty tough). I fought hard against random violent impulses, like stabbing other people/animals with scissors and stuff. Yeah. That wasn't fun.

Gore, blood and death had become part of me. I love(d) horrifying stuff, I lived on it. And guess how furious I got when, me and my (goth) friend were to perform on our school talent show a "dance theatre" to the song "Let the record show" by Emilie Autumn where we a) wanted to kill eachother b) I was about to hang myself c) lot of shit happened and

we weren't allowed to do all of those stuff. We were censored. That made me angry, as the teacher said "Think about those fighting thought like that, it's not nice for them" and I'm all thinking "WELL I'M FIGHTING RN THINK ABOUT ME THIS IS THERAPY FOR FUCKS SAKE"

Yeah, the performance still scared shit out of ppl, so t'was nice ":)"

This was eight grade in a nutshell. The worst was over, for now. I became happier. I loved.