No Story Lives Forever

No Story Lives Forever
Broken

måndag 11 mars 2019

Sing, sang, sung

Let's talk about singing.

I don't really know how to feel about singing. I mean, I like singing. As I child I though I was okay at singing, but as a teenager my self-esteem took a toll. I heard girls from my school sing wonderfully, perfect, while I started to realize that I wasn't as good as I'd thought. 

I pulled away from singing. Singing was for beautiful popular girls with white t-shirts and black jeans, not girls like me. Singing wasn't for girls like me.

I pursued in acting instead, and dreamt of joining a summer theatre quite far from where I live, but anyways. My mum told me: "But if you want to have a good part in their musicals, you have to be a good singer".

"A good singer".

I was annoyed and sad at the fact that I couldn't sing well. I think I was declined a part in another show because of this fact.

Singing is not for me!

I finally gave in and started singing lessons in 2014. And I got this feedback: "Don't try to sing to though. You don't have to sound though. Let your voice be light".

A light voice. But... I love singing when my voice is all raspy and though and I sound like a man. I like certain songs with a male lead, and I just want to be able to sing like them. To hell with preppy songs sung at school dimitations, I want to sing metal songs! I want to sound though!

I trained my voice to be more light, and I think I did a good job. But this was spring 2015, and since then have I not gone to any singing lessons. No teacher to tell me to let my voice be light.

I know I have gone back to my old habits of imitating the sound a male voice does, but I think I'm somewhat more clean than it used to be.

Confession time! I have never sung a solo at a school show or anything. I have had solo parts in theatre productions, but those are different (as long as they're not musicals) because I can sing however I want. I've never sung a song (!) anywhere.

Some months ago I uploaded a small clip of me singing onto my instagram. I took maybe seven different takes of me singing, let my fiancé choose the one he likes the best, and that one was uploaded into cyber space.

I try to practise to sing like man, still. Though I don't know if my voice ever can be similar to the rawness in a man's voice when singing metal. I don't think my voice can be as clear and soft as many ladies can sing.

Maybe my voice is somewhere in the middle. A rawness in a woman (in metal). I don't know. 

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