The Childhood Friend

I can't remember how well I explained my best childhood friend in my self reflections last summer, but I had a really good friend age like 8-11. We lived close eachother, and spent everyday together in school, and many days after school too.

It was like having a sister. I visited her grandparents and she visited mine, it was like being part of her family and vice versa. I remember when her little brother was born when we were ten, and her little sister when we were twelve.

We were so close. I have dozen memories with her, and I haven't talked to her for almost 12 years. I do follow her on instagram, though she doesn't follow me back. These later days she's become quite popular on instragram, with over 10 000 followers (who knows where those followers come from, if they're bought or not, idk) and she had some QnA a couple of days ago.

Someone asked her about her pets and she told about the cat she had as a child

and

it hit me like a truck. I remember that cat! I was almost a part of their family when they had the cat. So many memories came rushing through me. I remember when the cat died. I remember when we were playing on their yard and the cat was there, and all the memories we had together.

Someone asked her about her favourite animals and she answered wolves and yet

again

it hit me like a wrecking ball. She was the one who introduced me to one of my favourite book series (a series about wolves) and I got crazy about wolves and they were my favourite animal too,

and we dreamt of moving in together as adults and having huskeys and hiking in the wilds looking for wolves

and why does childhood friendships have to be so FRAGILE? Why did she ditch me? Why was the other girls better than I was? Why did she feel like she had to fade me and shadow me completely, never to talk to me again.

I don't even know if she'd say hello to me if we met by accident.

One of my all time favourite home made characters became mad out of bitterness when her best friend ditched her. That bitterness, I felt it so hard when acting as her. That feeling when you become so angry because of something you can't control, because you can't own people, but you wish because she used to be my best friend and she left me to suffer.

Maybe that was why that character became me, and I became her. We shared a past.

My own ex bestie has caused so much pain in me. She never said anything bad to me, but her leaving me hurted my soul to the core, and it took until 8th grade to heal and I have forgiven her and I have forgiven myself

but those two answers, the one about her cat and about wolves, evoked something in me. They evoked bitterness. Again.