Mental growth

Today something finally hit me. How.... grown I've become!

I still am childish sometimes, and teenage-y if I want to, but I finally realized that some part of all teenage angst and spitefulness and anger and whatnot have dissappeard, and not that they've just gone away by themselves, but that I'VE mentally grown enough to scatter that spitefulness by the wind.

It all has to do with my wedding. We decided that we get wed in a church, and if 15-year old me would've been told "Hey, you're going to be wed in a church" I'd laugh and say something along the lines that I hate religion and I hate people who believe in god and so on. Spiteful things, naughty things. I even broke up with a friend over this sake.  I've laughed for myself at friends who worked at "skriba"-camps (religios camps). I've put down so much energy hating something that doesn't even concern me. I just wanted people to know that I don't agree with the bible.

I was one who drew satanic symbols in notebooks and stuff OUT OF SPITE because I hated religion.

All of a sudden, today, it hit me. I don't hate religion anymore. No, I don't believe in anything, and I would never attend a service, but I don't hate the church as an authority anymore.

I've known for a longer time that I don't hate religion, but today was the day I thought it out loud. That I write it down here.

You might have noticed that I don't write god or bible with capital letter at the beginning. That's part of my "protest" that I'm still growing out of. This is something I've done since I was twelve. I've had had issues with religion since such young age. During one time of my life (that lasted many years) I refused to say the word "god" as in the Christian god.

Childish I know.

And now I'm getting married in church.

I've overcome my grudge with religion. It feels wierd. Like someone I'm not.

But the truth is; I'm still me.

I'm just growing up and becoming an adult.