The voice

The voice in my head is much, much louder than usual, and it proves to be troublesome to live with it for the moment.

I can barely be in a conversation with anyone, because the voice in my head outspeaks everyone I'm actually trying to talk with and I can't control the voice, it's so damn LOUD

I do my best to fake that I'm listening to people, while the damn voice keeps talking to me about possible scenarios for characters, and I hear lines over and over again in my head. Some days it's not as talkative and let me live in reality, but yesterday it didn't leave me alone for one second and it was annoying but interesting at the same time

because

I like what the voice talks about, but being unable to control your thoughts is less ideal.

And to clarify, it's my own voice, me, myself, and not a "outside" voice in my head. It's not an illness. I think.

But the uncontrollable part of my mind, the deepest parts of my mind are strong at the moment.

Almost stronger than the active part-

I zone out a lot. I stare into nothingness. I forget things easily. I forget to eat. I would live off coffee if I could. I isolate myself away from my fiancé, because in loneliness the voice is bearable, I can have conversations with myself in my brain if I'm alone.

I dream away to far away universes, I push deadlines and make homework an hour before they have to be done. I have a hard time gripping reality because of the voice. The only thing the voice does not interfere with is my horse. I never forget my horse.

Hopefully I'll be able to live in this reality quite soon. It's exhausting to live in two worlds at the same time.