In the end

Aawh, gee, bagworm isn't the default suggestion when you write "b" in the internet search bar anymore, now it is "biased".

I've been mourning the last couple of days and the reason is silly.

I'm currently going through a swish of paranoia. Paranoia that none of my friends really like me. None of them.

Everywhere I look I see friends deliberately choose other things over me. I see friends not answering my messages, friends choosing other friends over me, friends to whom I in the end don't matter to.

All my life I've fought with this paranoia. It's such a struggle to keep a friend more than three year. I've been the final pick every damn time since I was a preteen.

Am I to live as the second choice forever?

And right now, the paranoia is greater than it usually is. Usually I can ignore it, and think rationally, but these last days it's been harder than before.

In the end.... I'm always alone.