My most scary movie experience as a child

Yesterday I set back again to get really think over the last post and how happy I was to read angst again, and I still truly am happy for all the angst, but when did I become so fascinated by angst that reading a well written story dripping in it gave me a psysical reaction in my body?

So I was thinking back and came to a conclusion that this has to be something one is born with. I mean, no one has ever taught me to like this, and I've loved angst since a very small age.

When I was 6/7 I watched a show called Digimon, and the best scene in the whole series (for me) was when the main character got bound to a pole and the enemy repetedly beat and clubbed his Digimon (his companion, that is), with intention to kill him.

I remember being to ecstatic about the scene that I could barely sit down. I just loved something in the helplessness of the main character and the torture of his beloved companion.

And this can't be anything taught to me. I can't remember what the ratio of genes vs society is when a child grows up and become a person with a personaity, but I remember that personality IS mostly genetic and born with. I can't think of a situation in my then very short life that would've made me like angst or taught me that angst is okay, as almost everything directed towards children (and young children that is) has a strong moral code. Happy ending, the good guys win.

The angst I like(d) was very specific toward torture, and mostly emotional torture, even as a child.

But angst out of that context scared me. I was midly traumatized when my mum was watching TV - I don't know if it was a documentary or movie - but a woman gave birth to a stillborn child, that died in the womb moments before it was born, and, oh my god, the woman's agonizing screams when she realize they're too late and her baby is dead are still drilled in my brain. I still remember that scene, how scared I was, how incredibly sad everything was.

I was just about seven when I saw that, and I was not prepared for such emotions. I was so scared of the mere thought of the dead baby. I mean, I was a baby just a few years prior and, oh man, that really messed me up.

I did alway listen to music before going to bed, and I had a CD of children's songs that I listened to, and there was one song about the tale of a frog turning into a prince. The lyrics went at one certain point like this: "han var en prins ändå" (he was despite all this a prince) but I heard it in my head as: "prinsen dog" (the prince died) and everytime that lyric came up I saw the dead baby in my head and I made myself scream inside my head so I wouldn't hear the "prins ändå", or "prinsen dog"as I heard it, because the dead baby could not be unseen. At some point I went up and skipped the whole song because it was way too heavy for me to even think about the dead baby.

I never told my parents how scared I was of the dead baby or the mother's screams. And that, my friends, is, and will forever be, the most scary experience I ever had watching movies. You can throw any horror movie at my face, any torture scene, anything, and nothing will move me and scare as much as a stillborn baby and the cries of its mother.